How to Rejuvenate Your Long-Term Relationship For Valentine’s Day and Beyond.
So… you found this amazing, magical person to share your life with… who was SO in tune with you and completely perfect in every way. Yay!
But these days it can seem like they are a completely different person. And now Valentine’s Day is coming up and you’re not sure you’re going to fully mean the sentiments in the card you’ll give her/him. What went wrong and how can you begin to change things for the better?
Well, first up, be aware that when you fall in love, and for roughly the next two years together, your body is releasing chemicals that literally make you see only the best in someone. You’re wearing rose-coloured glasses. And you’re probably both conscious of how you treat one another (so are kind of on your “best behaviour” to some extent).
Experts agree that after this, a couple of things happen. You become less conscious of your behaviour around them, and the chemicals with the “rose coloured glasses” effect wear off. So instead of only noticing the best of them, you notice ALL their behaviours, some of which seem new and challenging to you. It seems like the person has changed…for the worse. And they seem to be complaining about you too. This is the stage where you’ve fallen out of the chemical version of love, and it’s now time to learn to build love for one another on a more permanent basis. So, what can you do to rebuild the relationship if you want to?
Fill their “Love Bucket” up!
According to Gary Chapman, Author of “The 5 Love Languages, the Secret to Love that Lasts”, we all have a “Love bucket” that needs filling regularly. Think of it like a piggy bank where each time you do something that the other person translates as showing you love them, you’ve deposited a “token” of sorts. The fuller their love bucket is, the more likely they are to overlook any transgressions you make. My husband calls them “Brownie points” lol!
I’ll write more on this subject another day, but for now, try remembering what made them light up when you were first together (A gift? A love note? A compliment or doing a chore for them?) and start depositing in that love bucket.
Try out some NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) tricks
What if you could travel back in time, and really remember how your relationship was in the first heady days? Feel the feelings you had then, and remember what it was like to be wearing those “Rose coloured glasses” that made you so happy? It could be the path to massively improving where you are right now.
Even better, what if you could “read their mind” by sensing how they might be feeling and needing right now? Or if there’s some part of you that would like to be more helpful/kinder/more tolerant/more positive within the relationship but you’re self-sabotaging, what if you could find out the cause and maybe even fix that? If any of this sounds attractive to you, message me and let’s talk.
Change the energy in your living space
Feng Shui experts like Denise J Langan of Imrama Space believe that objects, colour, pictures, layout in your home can have a psychological effect on you, and that the energy in your home is important to the well-being of your relationship.
“Areas of your home reflect different areas of your life” says Denise. “If your relationship isn’t as happy as you’d like, check out the “relationship area” of your home. Is it cluttered, dusty, neglected? If so, your relationship probably is too. Imrama Space can help by supporting you to clear and cleanse that space both physically and energetically, and to include the best colours, ornaments etc to enhance your relationship. If there’s an area where you argue regularly, we can explore why that is the case from a feng shui and soul perspective, subsequently clear the energy from that space too, for a happier and more joyful home environment”
There are also a lot of things we could do to include intimacy – starting from the bedroom. Examine how your bedroom looks; What photos, pictures are there? Are they depicting a happy relationship? Everyone has their own kua number which means that certain elements could help boost their relationship, while the accumulation of unfavourable elements would bring disharmony to a relationship.
Understand who you truly are so you can bring your best self to the relationship with Astrology
According to Hannah Dudley at Hannah Marie Coaching, “In astrology we each have a natal chart which is a snapshot of where the planets were in the sky, at the exact moment we were born. This life map is a blueprint for us to follow, revealing our soul’s gifts, our needs, our values and our deepest desires. When we connect to the core essence of who we are, we start to find peace within, deepening the connection we have with ourselves and others we are close to”
So how do we express our core needs and desires in our relationships?
According to Hannah, It all starts with the moon sign in your natal chart.
“The moon symbolises our inner world, our emotional nature, how we nurture ourselves and reveals what we need to feel safe. This is the deepest part of us, that vulnerable spot that we only show to the people we are closest to. Our nurturing style comes from our core needs, so once we understand our moon sign we learn how to express our desires, and give ourselves permission for our needs to be met.”
You can begin the journey by downloading her free ‘self care for your moon sign’ worksheet to learn what self care practises are best for you and take a look at her “Moon Cycles Membership” if you want to journey deeper.
What will you choose to do to take the relationship to the next level?