Change Doesn’t Have To Be Scary! (unless you want it that way!)

Change doesn't have to be scary - unless you want it to be

Change. It’s a big word. What does it mean to you?

I feared my life might fall apart


For me, when I first contemplated getting help for the negative feelings I was having about myself, I kept putting it off because I was afraid it would mean my life would fall apart if I felt better, that my whole world might change.

You know, like the films where the heroine suddenly realises her worth and feels empowered, and ends up walking out on her old life, front door slamming, curls swinging in defiance while Beyonce  chants “Independent Ladies” in the background? Or the romantic interest in her life realises she’s changed and decides he doesn’t like the “new” person in his life so walks out (cue Beyonce and weepy “all by myself” soundtracks before a new hero comes along)? Obviously in those dramatic stories there is always a happy ending, but not all lives are so dramatic or need such drastic changes, even if it can feel like it at times!


I feared I would have no control


Even though I just wanted to feel more brave and support my family better, that niggling fear kept coming at me – that if I changed I would have no control over what else changed around me. How I would feel about my life, how others would feel about me, and how my future would end up.

And boy, was that scary.


In reality, you get to choose how much you want to change


What I didn’t realise at the time was this – change doesn’t have to be massive and out of your control! You get to choose how much or how little you want to change in your life…as long as you know the best ways to go about it.


You can make changes the hard way like I did first time round…


Yes, I’ve done it the hard way. In desperation I have gone to the top of a local hill and called out to whoever was listening to “just fix this!” (I ONLY recommend this path if you want to feel like your life is a roller-coaster with one threat after another coming at you and your future in the balance). And yes, my world threatened to turn upside down in many ways, but thankfully I got the support and developed the skills I needed to gradually bring it back in to peace and equanimity. I won’t be doing that again but hey, if drama excites you, knock yourself out!


But there is an easier way to change parts of your life…change you!


Now I understand…mostly all I have to do to change  my life…is change me. My fears. My expectations. My prejudices. My feelings.

My old programming that tells me

  • to be careful
  • to stay safe
  • that I’m not good enough
  • that I don’t deserve
  • That I’m wrong, and everyone else is right.
  • That there’s something wrong with how I look
  • That I’m not a good parent/partner/family member/friend.

And I can tell “whoever’s listening” (God, The Universe, Mother Earth, your Subconscious or whoever else you feel drawn to) what I would like to be true for me instead. I can do that by journalling, writing intentions and affirmations, using NLP and other skills to remove old blockages and move into how I really want to be, by drawing, and by noticing what’s most important to me and what I choose to change. I am in control.



How I like to make changes in my life

So next time I went up to that hill, knowing that I could give away my power and anything could happen if I wasn’t specific about what I asked for, you can be sure I was very careful about what I said!

  • I thought carefully about what I wanted to be true for and about me, and about my life.
  • I began with the most important things…health, family, wellbeing.

Because when we feel good, our world does too…and that can only lead to more good coming our way. Circumstances can change. People around us can change. Most importantly, how we feel about our lives can change…all for the better.


I also seek help from friends and professionals in my life


And of course I enjoyed and still enjoy the help and support of friends and professionals as well as my own skills to help me make the changes I choose to make towards an even better life, at a time and in a way that’s right for me.


Life and life changes are a journey…


That time I first stood on the hill was well over a decade ago. My life isn’t perfect – yet. I am not perfect –  yet.

But I am so much happier and more confident than I used to be, and I am blessed to have brought many others on my journey with me by sharing what I have learned as I learned it, and coaching others when they were ready.

Are you ready for personal change?


What will it be like when you have finally taken that step to make positive changes in your life? At your pace, in your time and under your control?

Change doesn’t have to be scary. It can be fun. It can be illuminating. It can be supportive. It can help you respect, support, and understand yourself and why you are who you are in this life.

They say when the Student is ready, the Teacher appears.

I’m here when you’re ready.

getting help like life or business coaching can make all the difference to your life


Vicki Tongeman

Vicki Tongeman

Vicki Tongeman is a Wife, Mother, Artist, Teacher, Author and Coach. She lives on the beautiful shores near the New Forest and loves walking and being mindful on the beach and in nature. Her friends call her the “Magic Mermaid” as she combines life changing coaching techniques with a sprinkle of Mermaid Magic!

As an NLP Practitioner and personal coach Vicki is passionate about helping people develop their inner self confidence and achieve their goals.


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